What Does It Mean to Submit to Your Husband? (Biblically)

by Jen on February 23, 2011

what does it mean to submit to your husband biblicallyThere are some words that carry controversy… and in some cases, fear. For many of us, me included, “submit” is — or was — one of them.

While it can be used as an everyday, harmless verb (“I’ll submit the paperwork.”), it can also be used as a command (“Submit to your husband!”).

So what do these words from God mean?

When I first heard that a biblical marriage required submission, I can’t say I understood it. Part of it was not wanting to understand, but another was not having the capacity to understand.

This post contains a link that will help any man, woman or couple understand what it means for a wife to submit to her husband biblically. (And how husbands can best encourage their wives.)

After almost two years of weekly sermons, online sermons, Bible studies, prayer and going by faith, I can say this message was what helped piece it together for me.

But first, a few words of caution.

Submitting to Your Husband Does Not Come Naturally

The world tells us the way to survive (and thrive) is to cultivate total independence and self-reliance (“I’m the only one I can trust,” “I’m the smartest person I know,” “What if it doesn’t work out?”). This makes submission seem like a concept that goes against everything we’ve learned.

Unless, of course, we are learning from God.

Submitting to your husband does not mean a wife can’t have independent thoughts, feelings or desires. Or that she must follow her husband’s command if he’s sinning.

It doesn’t mean she’s less intelligent than her husband or that she shouldn’t seek to influence him in family decisions.

A husband and a wife are equal with complementary roles, and just as wives are called to submit to their husbands as head of the family, husbands are called to love their wives the way Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). Remember: Jesus died for the church!

So why doesn’t it come naturally to submit? Because 1) women have stirring desires (temptations) to rule over their husbands and 2) fear tells us that when we submit, we die.

Bible Verse on Submitting to Your Husband

Here’s the bible verse from 1 Peter 3:1-6 from the New Living Translation:

In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

Now for the Link…

It’s time to put misconceptions, exaggerations and most of all … FEAR aside.

So without further adieu, I present to you the link on what submitting to your husband means, biblically:

What It Means to Submit to Your Husband

P.S. This isn’t just for the ladies — Pastor Mark covers three types of marriages (and why two of the three usually fail!), ways a husband can handle disagreements with his wife and more. God’s message is well-delivered here.

Related Post: 34 Ways to Pray for Your Marriage When Stressed, Sleep Deprived, Frustrated & Fed Up

And dear readers, I’m learning what it means to submit to my husband — please pray for me For the more experienced married women and men among us, please share your wisdom with the rest of us!!

{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }

Hua February 24, 2011 at 9:33 am

Do you ever listen to the Renewing Your Mind podcast? They had a series on marriage last week, and this was one of the topics that came up.

The other thing that we should also remember is that Ephesians 5 also says “Husbands, love your wives”, which is the other half of the relationship that people don’t seem to talk about as much. :-)

Jennifer Johns February 24, 2011 at 11:54 am

I’ll have to check out that podcast Hua — do you have a link?

And agreed that husbands are likewise commanded to love their wives. This is so important because when my husband demonstrates his love for me in a kind, gentle way, it helps me learn more about submitting. It’s like they go hand in hand.

Chase Adams February 24, 2011 at 12:06 pm

Personally, I’m still trying to swallow the whole. ‘Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church.’

That’s a big love that if done right, makes submit seem like a very small thing.

Jennifer Johns February 24, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Agreed that it’s a heavy cross for husbands, Chase. Jesus was perfect.

Submission for wives can feel like it’s going against every “normal” reaction — but maybe that’s just fear.

Dorci February 24, 2011 at 1:10 pm

This is certainly not an area I have down pat, but I think I have a good understanding of it. I think one of the keys is in Ephesians 5:22, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” God is an orderly God. He has set Jesus Christ as head over the church and everyone is to submit to His lorship over our lives. When we don’t, we get out of the will of God and sometimes bad things happen as a result.

In the same way, God has put the husband as the ultimate authority in a marriage/family. Why? Again, because God is a God of order, and there must be one who answers to the Lord, otherwise there are divisions and disagreements when we both seek our own way. And I believe that’s exactly why there are so many divorces today. And don’t forget that the verse just prior, vs. 21 says, “submit yourselves to one another in the fear of God.”

Husbands and wives are both to have an attitude of submission to the Lord first, and then to each other. But when the two disagree, the husband is to make the decision, hopefully by prayerfully considering his wife’s desire as well as his own. (Husband’s would do well to listen to their wives sometimes!)

Ultimately, marriage is a picture of the Lord–the Groom, and His Church–the Bride. I believe that to the extent that women are willing to put on an attitude of submission (and respect) to the Lord is the extent that they will be willing to humbly submit to and respect their husbands. Likewise with the husbands, the more they love the Lord, the larger capacity they will have of fulfilling the commandment given to them (Eph. 5:25) to love their wives. But, neither the wife nor the husband should wait for the other to obey the Lord. We will each answer to God for our own actions and be rewarded for our obedience or lose reward for our disobedience.

Jennifer Johns February 24, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Thank you for sharing your wisdom, Dorci. There are so many good point here… extremely helpful and refreshing.

I love how you’ve included that though we are commanded to submit/love, neither the wife nor the husband should wait for the other to obey the Lord. We will each answer to God for our own actions — Amen!

This topic is so controversial in the world at large, but as you noted, God is a God of order. I pray He helps us all better understand and embrace the many blessings (and challenges) that come along with a marriage in which He is the center.

Blessings!

Dorci February 24, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Well, thank you for having the courage to address this topic that is not very popular even in the church these days.

Kevin Adams March 5, 2011 at 11:39 am

Jen, I just now found time to read this post – you’ve done a wonderful job expressing the truth. You are an honor to God and your husband. Our flesh definitely falls under these old curses but our hearts have been freed by Jesus. Thank you so much for your integrity! God is definitely speaking to us all about marriage because the enemy is working so hard to destroy it. It’s amazing to me how your post (this one) and my last post are like bookends – wow! God is active! Bless you my friend and thanks again!

Jennifer Johns March 11, 2011 at 11:23 am

Thank you, Kevin — and what an amazing post from a husband’s perspective. To read Kevin’s post, you can check it out here: http://wakeupmyfaith.wordpress.com/.

Nicole March 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

I notice the same comment whenever anyone mentions a woman and submission, “Its also says husbands love you wives …Christ gave up his life for her.” My issue with this is that in modern days with women trying to be at the fore front of everything, men follow by our example. If you submit to him it would be easier for him to give up his life for you. This world tells us that submission is detrimental to our respect as women from men so our whole demeanor is contrary to the submission of man. We don’t realize how much we are unsubmitted because society congratulates us. Men have it hard, satan seeks to destroy them and this world called real men stupid and incapable. next time we are asked to submit instead of pointing the finger out at our partner, lets point out the areas we are still unsubmitted.

Jennifer Johns March 3, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Nicole, you got that right: “We don’t realize how unsubmitted we are because society congratulates us.” It can get confusing to understand true submission because we are sent mixed signals from everything around us, and to many the word just sounds scary. Of course it’s also abused by some men.

I see submission as honoring the fact that God is a God of order, and He has appointed my husband as head of our family (and me to help him). There are times I have to learn to just let him “lead” and trust that God is guiding him.

Liz May 8, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I am having a hard time with this scripture because some husbands are very controlling and think that we should just do what ever they say. I have a hard time with men who don’t want to help around the house but yet they both work. I am trying to understand why we must submit to someone who is rude and mean. There are men out there that are womanizers, these men call themselves Christians. I know women that have been hit and verbally abused and there husbands call themselves Christians. Are we supposed to submit to that?

Jennifer Johns May 8, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Thanks for your comment Liz, and I know you speak for many who feel the same way.

What I’ve learned about this scripture is that we *aren’t* called to submit to abusive or illegal behavior. We *are* called to submit to our husbands, who are to submit to the Lord (as we all are, ultimately, but in their own special way as the spiritual leader of the home). But we are not to follow them into sin. This requires tremendous discernment and wisdom — personally, I feel it can only come from God.

I posted the online sermon link above because for me, that’s what helped clear it up, and I asked my husband to watch it with me. For women struggling with husbands who are abusive, controlling, committing adultery, etc., I would #1 PRAY for guidance and #2 DISCUSS with a church elder/leader, pastor or pastor’s wife because our church body is our family, and they address it prayerfully, without judgment. Also, we should seek wise counsel, right? We don’t have to go it alone, and things like that need to be addressed.

With all that said, this isn’t an easy topic. I’m happy to pray about this with you anytime… you can email me at jengoingbyfaith at gmail dot com. (Writing it that way to avoid spam.) God bless you Liz.

Mindy May 15, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I have a hard time with husbands who come across as controlling in this role instead of loving. “No, you have to respect me”, and I don’t know why, but this attitude just seems so not of God. My mother in law is the most submissive women and her thrown is waiting in the kingdom of god, but my father in law who is a pastor, has such control of her it’s kind of sad! How should we handle these situations. Isn’t a wife in the bible wise and doesn’t it say how husbands should listen to there wives heart and desires. .?.??

patricia May 16, 2012 at 1:05 am

In regards to husbands loving their wives as christ loved the church, it comes full cycle really because we are all, men and women alike, called to love as christ loved us and to love those who can be hard to love like an enemy.

Sue Bechtel July 8, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Question. since submissive wives have given away all their freedom, do they still celebrate the “freedom” holidays? I mean Independence Day. Since to submit means yielding one’s will to another, I assume submissive wives do not consider themselves free people. I guess you would have to celebrate it if your master/husband orders you to, but I would like your opinion on the concept of celebrating holidays in which you are so distanced from. I can understand that you probably celebrate other holidays just as free people do, but I was just wondering about the “freedom” holiday. Any answers would be appreciated. I am writing a paper about women and religion, and would really appreciate a sub wife’s opinion. Also, what does it feel like to have no freedom or control over one’s life. I realize that a husband/master of a sub wife will give her minor freedoms, but it is hard for me to understand giving up one’s freedom. Do you vote? Make any decisions on your own? Do you enjoy sitting back and letting your husband make all your decisions for you? Or does he give you limited rights and privleges? Did you agree to be submissive and give up most of your rights before marriage? In other words, was your submission mutual?Do you feel as if you are a slave? That’s what I think of when hearing about a submissive wife? Thanks,

Sue Bechtel July 8, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Sorry, a few more questions. Do you take advantage of your secular rights? Do you want to go back to a world in which women have no rights? Do you believe that you are flawed and inferior-not able to make the decisions for your family? What if you are left a widow, or if your husband/master leaves you? Would you feel you would be able to take care of yourself if this happens? I know that slaves in the old south had trouble adjusting to their freedom. do you think that you would have trouble adjusting to your newfound freedom? How do you think you would adjust to this new freedom? To be required to make your own decisions and choices? Do you feel that you are equal, inferior, or superior to your husband/master? Thanks again

Sue Bechtel July 8, 2012 at 7:35 pm

One more thing. When a women that is planning to become a submissive wife, does she make sure that the man is her superior in every way? what I mean by this is do you only marry a man who is smarter, better at most everything, holier, less sinful, – well, in every way better? To enter such an unequal relationship would seem to require this.

Jen July 9, 2012 at 9:57 am

Yes, totally agree that since we’re all called to love as Christ loved us/forgive as we’ve been forgiven, it should be a complete circle, not unbalanced and abusive. Just like husbands can get it wrong, wives can also get it wrong, but I feel that’s where we need the Lord to transform us and show us how to get it right. (And how to handle situations that aren’t balanced)

To me, this isn’t something I get on my own — it’s not worldly thinking — I continue to pray and follow the Lord first.

Jennifer Johns July 10, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Hi Sue — thanks for dropping by. Before asking me these questions, did you ask God the same questions? That’s where I would start, at least.

I can see how you might understand “submit to your husband” to mean something like “submissive wives aren’t free people,” I used to think like that when I didn’t understand. We’re called to submit first and foremost to God, and then to each other. A husband and wife submit to each other (“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” — Ephesians 5:21).

But this post specifically addresses the wife submitting. And when we’re doing what God asks of us, there is only true freedom. It’s about putting others before yourself out of humility and love, as Jesus did, and as our husbands are asked to do too, but as all things in life, this requires discernment. You wouldn’t submit yourself to abusive or illegal behavior, right?

It’s about learning to love without a prideful heart, and it takes a lifetime. It is not about superiority, etc. Both husband and wife are children of God.

As for the questions about celebrating holidays, voting, making decisions, etc…. :) I think you’re probably kidding.

My “answer” would be… ask God! He will answer you, surely.

al July 23, 2012 at 11:09 am

I loved my wife and was married to her for four years ,untill I bought a home,and she had her ex husband help her move into our home .While I was out on the road as a truck driver.She said they were just good friends .She also said for me to be nice and let him cut the two acres of land,because he needed the money.And then was a tornado she said that the water was contaminant so she said that she was staying at his home ! I told her not to do that but she said,Your not going to tell me what to do .we broke up and she went back to his house,then we got back together and he started coming over and I tried to be nice,then one day she came home and you could see that she had just got out of the shower.I was very angry,I had to have back surgery .And I got home that day she told me,I don’t love you anymore ,and iam still in love with my ex and I want a divorce ,and you need to find away to make it on your own.What little workman comp check it won’t last long maybe another month or two then I’m out on the street,why did God let this happen to me.

Judy August 5, 2012 at 9:21 am

When I was 17, I was still forced to go to church. It is the one thing my parents were strict about. At 17, I attended church (forced to), I already knew that I found christianity sexist (no women priests) so I knew that once able (an adult) I would reject it. I only wish that I could reject the negative thoughts christianity gave me-then I may have had a somewhat happy life. At age 17, I was sitting in church one day, when the priest starting saying the submissive verses. My life was ruined at that moment. I though “Why would any girl want to get married. Here I am almost 18-almost free-why would I want to give it up to slavery to a man” At that moment, I began to hate and fear men. Thinking all they wanted to do was dominate me-and be a “head”/master. Although this happened 30 years ago, and I have rejected christianity, I cannot get over my hatred-both to men, and sel-hatred-after all, god said I should be a slave of men. How much more hateful can you get. True to my word, I have never married or even had a significant relationship with a man. Every time I would start to like someone, I looked at those horrible verses, and ran the other way. Why do you think these feeling reamained, even though I rejected the source (chrisitanity). I just wanted to give an example of how these veses could destroy a life. If it wasn’t for that day in church, I might have had some happiness in life. Why can’t I get over it? Why am I still letting it destroy my life, I know, I am letting it-it’s my fault. Sometimes you can reject an unhealthy group (christianity), but can’t get the message (god wants you to be a slave and hates you-oh, and shut up-and you are so inferior that you need a head/master) out of your mind. Why can’t I get over it??

Sukainah September 8, 2012 at 1:16 am

Ya, I don’t really like being told what to do. I understand the submission thing but I think that husbands should equally consider the womans desires. Like husbands who are abusive and think they can come home and do whatever they want and expect us to do anything…
I just have a hard time with this because of that. I don’t think I should submit until he also submits to me also so we can equally understand each other and our desires.

Im very career minded and I like to have my space and not put up with someone telling me what to do. I donno this is all kind of crazy.

Geno Gary September 12, 2012 at 11:45 am

Wives, when you refuse to summit to your husbands because you say it’s not natural,you are sinning against God’s word.Husbands when you refuse to love your wives you are also sinning against God’s word.It’s just that Simple!!!!!

Heyley September 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Wow. Well there’s likely a medium this is all supposed to be at, otherwise the whole thing doesn’t work. IF the husband loves the wife as CHRIST loved the CHURCH…think about that- then the woman would have no need for “defiance” because the husband would honor her in every way, and only ask that she not be “big headed” in the same ways that he is not. That is what it’s supposed to be, but it’s gotten turned into a thing of the husband having “authority” over the wife, and NO the wife should NOT “submit” and is NOT sinning against God should she voice her own opinion in “defiance” of her husband who is clearly not standing up to HIS calling of loving her as Christ loved the church. Women are not slaves and not to be treated as so, and it is very HIGHLY misinterpreted if a woman is “submitting” to a man who is not holding up his end of the bargain!!! I admit these twisted views from the church-ladies makes me very angry and is very sexist and turns MANY people away from this lifestyle!! That’s what you call a stumbling-block!! Ignorant people who fall in line without holding anyone else accountable. If you want to be sheep and dive right off a cliff, go for it, as long as your husband commands it of you of course!

andrea November 25, 2012 at 11:13 pm

So a.wife.is.either a.slave or a.sinner?

Elle December 5, 2012 at 9:13 am

To me, most things in the Bible are multi layered metaphors. God is a lot more brilliant than we can fathom. I believe that it’s dangerous to pick a single verse out and take it as a literal command. The entire passage, the context, and God’s essence must always be taken into account when reading. One verse does indeed affect another- they don’t stand on their own. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves. Christ loved us more than he loved himself, loved us enough to be tortured and die for us, loved us unconditionally as we committed every vicious sin against him. We turned on him and he begged for forgiveness and eternal life FOR us. Wow. If a man is wise and deep and godly enough to love you like that, he will have your best interests in mind and certainly will work to protect you and take care of you. Wives, submit to God, and to your husbands. A man who has a strong relationship with God, making godly decisions, should be trusted and you should allow him to protect you and take care of you.
I personally do not feel that it is God’s essence to command women to submit to immoral, selfish, destructive, godless behaviors, even if they are married to them.

Jennifer Johns December 5, 2012 at 11:21 am

I agree and also feel that God doesn’t ask us to submit to immoral, selfish, destructive, godless behaviors–even if married to someone displaying these behaviors. That would be submitting to evil! Like Elle said above, husbands are called to submit to the Lord; wives are therefore called to submit to godly husbands. Ultimately, we’re all called to submit to each other.

These things may be hard to digest for some, and at one point in life, they were for me too, but I used to live in a way that I couldn’t imagine putting others’ needs above my own. Life is different when you submit to the Lord — it’s a live of love, not of selfishness. The Spirit gives you eyes to see and ears to hear these things… I’m not sure I could’ve understood it otherwise when I was the most important person in my world.

Elle December 5, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Judy I’m so sorry this happened to you! I myself was wounded by religion- there are a lot of people calling themselves Christians who are self-righteous, hypocritical, judgmental, holier-than-thou, superior acting, and who use God’s word to justify their behaviors. I rejected Christianity for a long time because of this. God told me how he allowed me to go from him, and looked over me and protected me even as his heart was breaking for me, so that I could shed every false notion I had of him. And when I was ready and empty and I sought him in earnest truth, he was right there waiting for me with open arms. I felt filled with his unconditional love, endless forgiveness and abounding grace. That is God, and if that’s all you ever know of him, that is enough. The story of how God sent Jesus is an excruciatingly beautiful love story, but people do distort it and make it look like something ugly.

God created man is his likeness. Then, deciding that man shouldn’t be alone and needed a counterpart, he created woman. God gave her the qualities that he himself thought were so special that the man shouldn’t live without them. He created man in his basic likeness, and designed woman as art and beauty and spirituality. God did not give Adam, but someone to appreciate.

Elle December 5, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Adam a slave *

I like your articles Jennifer!

Skittles December 18, 2012 at 8:34 am

Do you submit even when you don’t feel loved?

robert reid December 18, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I HAVE BEEN MARRIAGED TO MY WIFE FOR 25 YEARS. IF IT WAS NOT FOR MY UNDERSTANDING OF GOD WORDS I WOULD HAVE LOST EVERYTHING. WIVES HAVE TO KNOW THAT THE PURPOSE OF SUBMITTING GOES BOTH WAYS. ME BEENING A MAN DOES NOT MEAN I AM MORE THAN MY WIFE, JUST MEAN I LOVE MY WIFE

Jennifer Johns January 21, 2013 at 9:58 pm

Thank you all for your comments here and please know that whatever feelings you have about submission or the experiences you’re going through/have gone through, each and every one of you is being held up in prayer.

God reinforces us, renews us, teaches us and provides comfort. It is only by Him.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
– Proverbs 3:5

Arlene Allen January 26, 2013 at 9:03 am

I recently got into a discussion about submitting to your husbans. (I not currently married) A friend said if O grt married I needcto learn to be submissive. I have been alone foe 32 years, ran my house paid my bills and qasxa corpotate busniess woman. I serve God in everything that I do. He loves Godand prays. Ww pray together when we eat. He does not attend church as he can not sit that long. He has some medical problems causing great pain although with my bearing witness to him on a daily basis, I am starting to see change. God is working on him. So, Praise t he Lord. I told a friend I follow him only as He follows Christ. Also, i told her he wants to buy me EVERYTHING to make sure I am taken care of. I told him it was not neccessary as I was very capable of taking care of myself. It makes no difference if itvis clothes, food, shoes, a coat…whatever he thinks I need…i think it is very sweet as he likes to cook for me, rub my shpulders ifvthey hurt or whayever I need. He will stop whay he id doing and come to my house to help if I csll him. I was told yhat if I could not learn to submit to him and let hjm buy these things and do for me I did not need to be getting married as I know nohing about marriage and should just stay single. I do not think this has anything tovdo with being a submissive wife. We talk about and discuss everything amd jointly make the best decesions. I love hom amd have great respect snd honor for him. We are a team and plan on marrying in the spring. Does anyone think that because I told him I was capable of doing things for myself that I am not being submissive? He coojs dinber , calls me to come have a bite yo eaat. I do the same for him. We are very flexible with each other in many things. Because of his upbringing, he feels the woman is the weaker vessel and she should be treated like a queen and served. He often will walk in and sitvat my feet to rub them. He says hecis just trying to show me he loves me. He comes over the day before the trash truck comes and takes the garbage out. He makes sureceverything in my home is in working order. So… We do for each other. We takecrides, go have coffee, go out to eat, work together in the yard, and he loves to cook with me. He hates sports and we watch what he wants to watch one evening and thrn we will watch what I want to watch the next evening. So… We compromise even with TV viewing. I see nothing wrong with what we do for one another. I keep my body and myself holy unto the Lord and told him I woyld not aleep with him until we hot married. He said he respected and honored me for that. He often tells me I a good solid woman and he honors me…so, the question is this…Does it sould like I dishonor him because of who I am? The ONLY thing I told hkm was that I will submit to him as he submits to God. Does anyone think I/We need to change. We have an amazing relationship and a greatcamount of respect and love for each other.

CoraK April 10, 2013 at 9:09 pm

Im having a really hard time with this submission to my husband.

Jean ( FV Wildcat) July 22, 2013 at 2:26 pm

It is wrong, because these women writers and some men are so eager to say over and over and over to submit. Why don’t you all write about when men cheat they are disobeying God and breaking a Commandment. Why do you all not tell husbands about loving and honoring their wives? Also God said to submit to one another. There will be times when the husband will need to concede to his wife.
Stop scolding wives only and not scolding women. You all think God is pleased with you all telling the woman to submit and not telling the husbands what their duties are??
I will stop here, so that I do not get any angrier with you anti wife people, especially these traitor women!!

Lisa July 24, 2013 at 6:34 pm

It really works for a happy marriage.

rogelio September 5, 2013 at 12:30 am

This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!!

Finally I’ve found something that helped me. Thank you!

margaret October 14, 2013 at 11:15 am

Being submitted to your husband does that mean that all finances are his.

Jen November 22, 2013 at 7:35 pm

Jean — Reading the whole post and any of the 34 comments before your comment might be helpful to understanding that this post isn’t “anti” anyone.

We’re called to submit first and foremost to God, and then to each other. A husband and wife submit to each other (“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” — Ephesians 5:21). I’m a wife, so this post specifically addresses the wife submitting. It’s about putting others before yourself out of humility and love, as Jesus did, and as our husbands are asked to do too.

Margaret — The bible doesn’t say that being submitted to your husband means that all finances are His. Submission is in the heart. Your financial decisions are between the two of you — seek the Lord for guidance :)

Gary December 23, 2013 at 9:36 am

Being married is never easy and not without the troubles.

1 Corinthians 7:28-35

But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; and they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; 31 and they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.

But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

Regarding: But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;

I believe that we should not give too much attention to our marriage as it is a temporary part of the world that will pass away. Secondly, it is easier to submit yourselves to the husbands rather than fighting with each other! Christ is the head of the church and the husbands have to submit themselves to the Lord, and likewise, the wives have to submit themselves to their husband.

But if the wives don’t submit themselves to their husbands then it’s “Houston, we have a problem”!

Jean December 30, 2013 at 5:55 pm

Gary,
I realize that my comment will be probably be put into moderation again. I don’t mind. This usually happens when ever a female write a challenge to the article as a double standard written about marriage.
Now, everything in a marriaget is not just about submission. There should be some articles written about the other sins that people commit, and especially mention the ten commandments that we must surely obey. We write too much about wives submitting and not ever enough about a man giving his life for his wife and honoring her.
I notice that many men often get excited over articles that women writers create about wives submitting. These men get on the blogs and brag and praise the woman writer for telling wives off. But I have to wonder if these same men would get as excited about some article written to tell husbands to give their lives for their wives. Makes me wonder.

Jen December 30, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Jean — This post was written by a woman (me) and many comments are here that agree, disagree, challenge and/or support the biblical verse discussed here. The post includes:

A husband and a wife are equal with complementary roles, and just as wives are called to submit to their husbands as head of the family, husbands are called to love their wives the way Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). Remember: Jesus died for the church!

Also, the link takes you to an online sermon that I feel does talk much to husbands about loving their wives as Christ loved the church with encouragement and scripture. As the writer of this post, I chose to focus on wives, as I am one, and by no means do I feel this post is “telling women off” — my hope is that I can share what personally has helped me learn and grow, through the grace of God.

God bless you, and I hope that He reveals to you whatever you are seeking.

Note — you mentioned we are to follow all of the commandments. In Matthew 22:36-40 they ask Jesus which is the greatest commandment/law.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

These two cover all of the commandments, including how we should treat each other, even as husbands and wives.

Dedrea January 2, 2014 at 7:49 am

GOD is a GOD of order. HIS word will not come back void. I don’t address myself as a Christian, I’m a follower of CHRIST. I’m married to a GOD fearing Man that I love and due to the WORDS of GOD have no problem accepting the direction that GOD provides for us thru HIS knowledge and wisdom. I put GOD first because scripture states ” We are to obey GOD and to SEEK HIM FIRST and all the rest will be added. ” This society in which we live, has removed GOD and we wonder why everything is out of control. If you can’t submit to GOD and obey HIS WORD, then how can you expect to accept HIS word to be submissive?? We as followers will go through even more than anyone else because that’s how GOD builds our faith. By reading some of the post, I’m at a lost for the lack of wisdom and knowledge of GOD’s obedience. When you follow GOD you are going against the grain and marked as an outcast from this worlds views. JESUS was crucified and never said a word. GOD gave HIS only SON for us. The bible states we are in the world but not of it, therefore, how do we expect the people that live by the world standards to understand anything that GOD has to offer? I commend you Jennifer for sharing your wisdom. We all fall short and it’s very comforting to know when we fall GOD has someone that can share the steps of their journal to help us get up, brush ourselves off and to get back on the right path to GODs righteousness. GOD has a plain for all of us, but HE does allow us a freedom of chose. HE is not going to force us to believe and obey.

Jean January 7, 2014 at 12:37 am

That is why I love my God. My God is on the throne. My God gives the husband and the wife a set of duties. Human beings are not on the throne. My God knew that human beings would create and follow man made doctrines. He knew that women would get confused and start worshipping their husbands. he. knew that husbands would be arrogant and egotistical and focus only on the scripture that tells women what the wife’s duties are. He is an awesome God. He is wise and all knowing. That is why I read the Bible for myself and am aware of and know the first and great commandment. The first and great command does not lecture to wives. It talks to all.. all….all…of us. That is why I speak to women and tell them to trust God only. Do not listen to writers who feel the need to tell women about submitting without telling women and young girls to care about themselves and not make their lives all about a man . Why in the world would women writers feel the need to harp on submit, when there is sooooooooo much more that they could be writing about to help women and girls. It is so sad how confused the human female can get sometimes. One thing know about men, it’s that you won’t see them writing articles to husbands that tell them about honoring and giving their lives for their wives. Men support each other. But women do not support each other. We are so catty and critical of each other. We spend valuable time on telling other women what they are not doing for a man. we spend valuable time worrying about wives submitting, but are blind to what better things we should be doing. Why would a woman be so focused on whether or not wives are “submitting” to a man that we do not even know. Some of us are so indoctrinated that we can not see ourselves in an objective light. We could be writing some valuable articles to the girls in our country and our world, where we teach them about the ways of males and how they females can avoid falling into the pitfalls of premarital sex, sodomy, immodesty, idolatry, cults, and other harmful acts and practices.

Yet, some of us become article writing copycats, that follow this new trend that lectures, scolds, and blames wives and women for everything in marriages and relationships. Enough is enough. Stop scolding wives, unless you are going to write side by side articles to husbands.

Laquita January 29, 2014 at 12:16 pm

Well I needed to read this because my husband and I are really going through right now. He is considering divorcing me because I don’t submit. After reading this I realized that he is right. I say I love God but I’m not obeying his word which is why we are always battling. Please add my family to your prayers.

Leave a Comment

{ 2 trackbacks }

Previous post:

Next post: