Several weeks ago a friend visited my desk to chat when she noticed a small square paper hanging on my cubicle wall. She asked what it said and leaned in closer to read it. The quote was about staying open to the change God wants to do in our lives.
An uncomfortable look formed on her face and she said something about how HR doesn’t allow religion in the workplace. I wasn’t sure if she was kidding or serious, so I asked if it offended her. She said, “Well, it’s definitely weird.”
Losing Friends
I’ve noticed a difference in some friendships since dedicating my life fully to God. At times it comes in the form of mocking, especially after sharing a great story that feels highly inspiring, but it also comes in the form of rejection.
At first this new dynamic was hard to swallow; it felt like I was being torn between two worlds. It was great getting invites to dinner or drinks with friends, and yet I had so many exciting changes happening in my life that I wanted to share. It seemed clear that the topic was odd and perhaps a little unbelievable.
On one particularly hard day, I drove home feeling like a total outcast. I asked God how to bridge the gap between faith and friends and prayed for his continued guidance. I started fiddling around with radio stations and actually found a sermon about spiritual suffering. During the priest mentioned that suffering for our faith comes with our continued growth. My discouragement gradually changed to encouragement.
Gaining Faith
When we draw closer to God, we can end up suffering on many levels–physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually–but suffering in the name of Jesus is a high compliment! In fact, Scripture says, “If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.” (1Peter 4:14).
This isn’t to say it feels good to lose friends or see some friendships weaken. It isn’t to say that we should want or seek persecution or that it will even happen to us all. But it does test our character, endurance and sincere attempt to live by faith.
Evil will do all it can to work through situations and people to cause us to doubt or even abandon our paths. By understanding that we have to lose our life to gain it (even if that means a certain type of social life or “worldly” standard of living), we embrace the totality of the life God gave us to live, the one with doors waiting to open and miracles waiting to happen.
And losing friends doesn’t mean forever. Differences challenge us, but the challenge is a good one. It’s during the tough times that we discover what we’re made of, especially when we endure them while remaining respectful and kind to others. (A sign of spiritual maturity!)
You might also like:
Are You Being Used?
About to Give Up? Wait, Read This…
When We Hurt Over the Darkness in the World
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Don’t worry, I’ve run into the same situation before, but when you follow Christ, although you may lose some friends, you’ll also gain new ones.
I wish I could’ve been there that day at your desk. I’ll have to drop by again and look for the paper on your wall.
Thanks for the support Hua– I think you’re right! When there’s something new working in our lives, it always seems abrupt or even scary to others. Luckily when you are given new life, you become a new person. Thank God!
It has been several months since writing this post, but I already feel and see great people coming into our life. Faith and belief.
Thanks for tweeting this post to me. It makes me feel two things – hope and despair! Hope because someone knows and understands what its like to feel odd, different and the un-nerving, unsettling emotions that brings. Hope, because I can actually talk to another Christian about it but not feel like I’m being shot down in flames for being less than evangelical.
But despair also because I wonder if I can ever get over my people-pleasing to actually be in that place of being open about my faith. You use the example of work. I work for a law firm. The only person there who’s a “christian” is a lady who goes to church every Sunday and is known in the office for lying, causing dissent amongst her colleagues and generally being a backstabber. Hence many comments about “if that’s being religious…” I’ll let you finish that sentence. Then there are my friends and my own husband. I get what you’re saying about suffering but I just don’t know how I get around my desire to be like by all and sundry and my natural aversion to suffering. It’s a sin, it’s a weakness and it stops me from being a good Christian who witnesses willingly.
I’ll keep pressing in but as originally stated from your first post I commented on – I will be thrilled if I slid in through the pearly gates with the smell of smoke on my clothes. Atleast God will have let me in, even if He won’t be saying “well done, good and faithful servant”.
It’s easy to say “Who cares what people think?” But like any of our own personal temptations and weaknesses, it’s not that easy. It’s not something we can always do on our own.
Let’s pray about it.
I want to thank you so much for writing this. I have recently gone through a similar experience and the pain of friends walking away is one of the worse feelings for me. I was about to go blog about it myself to get all of these feelings out but the website was down so i decided to look for an other blog on the subject to read. This was exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you so much.
I say “Who cares what my friends think?” But yet I’m scared to tell them what happens when I’m at church. And when I do tell them it seems like they don’t care. It feels like I’ve been losing friends because I go to church and I go so much.
Megan — Thank you for sharing! It’s hard to lose friends, but one thing that brings comfort is we have a best friend in Christ. He will convict us of what needs to change in our lives, and this won’t always be easy. There will be external consequences. but internal rewards. And external rewards. And heavenly rewards
Marissa — It sounds like you’re meeting face to face with the “world,” which doesn’t like to hear about church, faith and the kind of living that puts us in good soil (the REAL good soil). The good news is that you’ll start to meet other friends — Godly friends — by going to church and trusting in God to bring them into your life, though it might feel a little like David meeting Goliath for awhile.
Praying for both of you. Thanks for stopping by.
Thank you for your words. It helped me to see that Im not the only one that is going through this. The ones I thought were truly my friends are the ones mocking me and distanced themselves from me. They do not support my new life changes and my faith in god.
I think one of the hardest things about losing friends over my faith is knowing that because I’m a sinner, I share my faith imperfectly, so it is partly my own fault that I couldn’t maintain those friendships as well. Maybe they sensed some pride in my tone or even righteous anger and didn’t understand it. As a very passionate person, it’s hard to find the balance of not censoring what you believe while still being loving to those who don’t share or understand those beliefs yet. I don’t even want to be friends with unbelievers on facebook anymore for fear that they misunderstand me or take something the wrong way and it goes unsaid. I know the way unbelievers talk about Christians and they completely misunderstand what the gospel is all about. I can’t even share prolife websites/videos amongst my Christian friends because they’re all pro-choice and ignore me. Ugh… so lonely.
Many of us — if not all! — go through this. It can feel like a lonely road, but God is faithful. He will not leave us abandoned.
I know exactly how everyone here feels, I just lost my best friend to drugs, Santeria , thieving , compulsive lying and on and on.. Even though he was doing all these things I continued to be his friend, his life was a mess with a bed ridden mother , no job, tring to get mental disability , mixing psych meds with street drugs, and he also has HIV and doesn’t take care of himself, so being that I’ve known him for many years and we had become close I always wanted to help out , taking him to dr appointments, driving him to the supermarket , picking him up if he needed help, giving him money and food, whatever I could do to help.. And as my Christian walk has grown stronger I’ve wanted to help people in need more than ever.. But something horrible happened: I went by his trailer to say hello and he was high on strong drugs it was morning, looked like he hadn’t slept for days.. His house was turned upside down , he came out screaming in the street yelling that I had stolen his and his mothers things and their medications.. He sent me threatening texts and I had to call the police and make a report. He was telling me that I was going to hell and that I didn’t love god , I only would reply with; we can no longer be friends , please leave me and my family alone. He had recently stolen my iPod touch for drugs and my house keys had gone missing from his house (I have recently changed the locks) I struggle with this because I wonder is it wrong to not be his friend any longer when he sleeps for 3 days and realizes this horrible thing that he’s done to the only person left in Miami fl . That cared about him like family? I feel that I should not be his friend anymore and just pray for him. My husband says he feels no pity for him and that he’s a liar , a thief and completely selfish person, he has become destructive and I have kids and a family to think about … Talk about being confused about being Christian .. Love thy enemies.. This is a very sad situation but a choice that has to be made wisely, and that choice is that I have to turn the other cheek and walk away, continue to stay on the correct path and to learn from what happened ..
Lupe – Thanks so much for sharing. I think you described a struggle shared by many Christians… wanting to help someone in need (especially a loved one!) and feeling confused about where the lines blur between “helping” and “enabling.”
Love the sinner, hate the sin. Sometimes that means distancing ourselves from unhealthy, abusive, dangerous (etc.) situations… sounds like you’re going through that now.
We’ll pray that God guides you and your family through this Lupe.
God’s word in James 1:5-6:
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
It is so refreshing to see that so many people have gone thru what I am going thru. I have felt all of my friends, and family (siblings, parents, etc) distancing themselves from me because I have become so much more involved with my church~ and am trying to live ‘Christ-like’ not ‘world-like’. It is very difficult when they don’t understand and have no desire to understand. Thankfully my husband is devoted to Christ as well. I am just worried about our children. We are raising them to live in and for Christ, but I worry that they will at some point be ridiculed or cast aside at school or with peers for it (many of my friends and parents of their friends).
Jennifer,
Thank you for posting this article. I just recently found Christ, or he found me, and have been so excited to share the news. Like you, I’ve noticed some of my friends (and family members) are now treating me differently, some friends to the point of avoiding me. But it’s okay, as my best friend Jesus Christ is with me. As Jen commented, I’m also blessed to have a wonderful wife and two beautiful children who are also following Christ with me.
Blessings,
John
Jen – I know, when it comes to the kids, the challenge can feel harder. But in a way, it doesn’t have to because God loves our children even more than we do, and he has a plan for their life! One of my close friends has been struggling with homeschooling vs. public school. Her husband wants them to go to public school because he believes they can be a light there. God’s word: The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? (Psalm 118:6).
John — That’s awesome! I’m glad to hear your family walks with you in Christ. We are the same way, and also we’ve made great friends in the church body, which really are more like “family.” When this division happens with friends and family, though, it does help us understand what Jesus means in Matt. 10:34 about not coming to bring peace, but a sword. You feel the peace of Jesus, but as others are convicted by the spirit, they may feel uncomfortable with the whole thing and it’s like the old way of being gets divided, split up, etc.
God bless you!
Just recently ive felt the holy spirit. I was so into drugs and had hit rock bottom. Something picked me up and i suddenly had the urge to go to my family’s church. That sunday my sister sang a song at the service. It was so beautiful that i began crying unctrollably. They were tears of joy. There was no denying that incredible feeling. I had known christ before but never had felt it thr way i felt it that day. The whole church prayed for me. When service was over i felt that something bad had left me. Ive been free of my addictions for a good while now and havent had the slightest urge to go back to my old ways. I feel reinvented and am going to suprise my family by letting them know i want to get baptized. That being said, i have lost all my friends. Close friends who i thought would never judge me. Even my own brother whom i love thinks its weird. I feel like they dont believe me or they think im crazy. Theyve distanced themselves. I feel torn apart but deep down i know its gonna be ok. May the holy spirit rest upon this webpage and god bless you all.
{ 2 trackbacks }