Are there some feelings better kept to ourselves? Most of us would answer yes to this question. I always did. But then I learned a better answer.
A little while back I went through what felt like an eternity (a few days) of feeling extremely vulnerable. Maybe it was due to pregnancy, or maybe because some days we just feel more vulnerable than others. Either way, I admit that in this vulnerability, I was open to attack from the enemy.
My feelings were hurt over something I heard my husband say, and I thought it would be best to confront the issue. I began by asking him not to take offense and to pray for me, knowing in advance I’m not the most tactful when hurt feelings are involved.
What started out as “sharing feelings,” turned into my husband feeling attacked, and me feeling more hurt and alone. Reactivity and counter-reactivity followed.
Then silence.
Then I felt the attack continuing on me.
The words that went through my mind sounded something like this: Maybe it’s better to keep some feelings to myself from now on.
And that’s when a most beautiful realization set in.
As I prayed those words to God, he gave me a much better answer. He told me I wasn’t alone with my feelings and I never had to feel that way. I just had to turn to Him with them.
In Him I am safe to express myself. And so are you.
We can begin by asking Him to hear us, and to hold us in his great mercy, endless love and compassion. When we express our feelings to God, He helps us to see — and also to hear — the truth.
And so if we ever wonder if it’s better to keep some feelings to ourselves rather than share them, the answer is: We don’t have to keep them to ourselves and we don’t have to share them with another, but we can always start by sharing them with God. If it is something to be shared, He can give us the guidance and timing needed.
Only the Spirit can fill us with the wisdom and discernment we need to take the right course. Even when we are not speaking out loud, God is always listening.
mscherrylane says
i had an incident with this very same realization in the past 24 hours…it’s just always so much easier seeming at the time when you can talk to a tangible human and get a tangible reply straight away instead…anyway I connected with God and got all the answers and guidance and wisdom and more!!! ^^ Hopefully I remember to turn to him immediately next time…
Hua says
Welcome back! Happy to see a new Going By Faith post. Again, thanks for the insight. Hope everything is going well with you and your (growing) family.
Kevin Adams says
Glad to see you writing again Jen! Your message is simple and yet powerful. What a trap the enemy sets for us with isolation. We’ve had many similar situations to yours and are leaning that a “moment of pause” makes all the difference – pausing to remember its an attack and its time to begin that dialogue with God (the one that may never be heard by another soul). Much appreciate the reminder. God bless you and your growing family!!
Jennifer Johns says
It’s interesting how our discomfort with holding emotion leads us to blurt out things and just lose control. From the heart the mouth speaks, so it’s always clear what’s working (or trying to work) in our hearts at those times. And yet we do need someone to listen. We do need somewhere to turn.
As it was mentioned above, I too like the feeling of instant relief — there’s someone standing there and I can see the reaction, the facial expression, etc. But how much closer to God we grow when we seek Him first, and therefore love, before all things — even our own desires and relief.
Blessings all, and thanks for the encouragement!
Lisa~ says
Beautifully said! We all need to remember this. I know I struggle with it. Thanks! Lisa~
Sarah says
I found this out a while ago for myself after CIY (Christ in Youth) ….. I’m 14 and Suicidal … I’m pretty much alone , if I have a problem I’m on my own … My dads deployed and my mom I’m pretty sure she hates me and my brothers are to young to understand ( 9&11) … And I haven’t had any friends in like 3-4 yrs , so if I need help I’m out of luck and I just have to get throught it and fix the problem all by myself … For the past couple years the only thing I’ve really had to hold on to is my faith .. Its the only thing keeping me from ending it all I even know just how I’d do it and I’m certain if I ever try I’ll be successful … My new youth pastor had the same problem growing up (suicidal also but not anymore) So at CIY God broke me down to where I had to tell someone about , I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer … So I told him and I felt like something was lifted of me and I felt free … Not telling anyone was eating me alive on the inside … This was the 2nd person I had ever told , I had told my roommate about it the night b4 after we were talking about things and one thing lead to another and she told me she used to cut and tried to hang herself in 6th grade , she told so I did to ……… After CIY life was good , daddy came home 4 r&r 4 2weeks but after he’d gone back the next weekend we ( me and mom ) repainted my room … the next day (Sunday) it was late and we got into an argument and I was walking past her ( was going downstairs I was done arguing) and she pushed me if there hadn’t been the table from my room siting in there from repainting I would’ve fell down the steps …. ( 1st time she’s ever done anything like that) …. Went back upstairs to my room and just sat there for an hour crying feeling hated and wanting to end it all … And I just randomly started praying … I felt better after talking to God and just telling him it all and asking what did I do to make her hate me … I relized while I may or may not have anyone to trust to share my feelings with or my problems .. I don’t exactly have many ppl I can tell the sucide thing to where they wouldn’t just go in a rant saying I’ve got it pretty good ive got no reason to complain or feel like that …. And ppl just wouldn’t understand it …. And I don’t wanna be a burden and possibly make someone worry …. But God understands and I’ll never be a burden to him and I know he loves me and always will and I won’t worry or freak him out and I can just be completely honest and truthful and everything will be ok and I won’t make him worried or stressed because of my problems ……….. For now on w/e I have a problem and or I’m upset and feeling suicidal … I use my iPod and google good bible verses for when ( fill in blank ) … And I find diff bible verses online if they fit with my situation or I feel it relates to me I write it down …. It helps alot ….. Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
On the inside I’m very broken but even so , because of God I have the strength to live my life and get through the day …. So I may be broken but God is heeling me and putting people in my life who understand so I don’t feel as alone … And I’m standing tall and strong bc Jesus is holding me up …. My faith is my everything is so many ways ….. God Bless and may he be with you all wherever you go and at all times
Monica says
I should have read this last night. 🙂
Like you, I do not feel resolved until discussing things…even when the other person needs time to cool off. Too often, I am forcing a discussion when my husband needs peace and quiet. I give him neither and then an argument erupts. Turning to God in prayer first instead of trying to fix the issues ourselves definitely helps refocus the energy on God who will in turn refocus our thoughts and actions toward one another.
Jennifer Johns says
Thanks for all the sharing here… it so true that the Lord is our strength! Sharing with God first and having our focus on Him will always lead us in the right direction. Now, to put that into practice 🙂
asia says
im someone who goes through the same thing and latelty ve been trying to find ways to become more connected with GOD and I love this from the summary , to the comments… thank you guys