My finger hovers over the delete button as I look down at the next few sentences. They’re not recent, but it’s better to share what’s real.
I want to go back to the start. To what holds me together. Because sometimes I feel like I’m falling apart. Even now, even as I write this.
I feel the thread growing thinner, unraveling down to weary line. Anxious. Sometimes panicked, worried. And I don’t always know what I’m worried about, but the feeling lingers. And the anxious heart lingers. And my mind hurts.
Anxiety had revisited my life for a few months, and if you’re at all familiar with it, you know the relentless nature of it.
Silent questions of… Am I doing the right thing? Am I not?
Feelings of pressure and strain… Should I say that? Should I keep quiet?
The stomach drop of forgetting something kind of important.
Not feeling hungry. Wanting to crawl in bed and pull the covers over your head but knowing you can’t really rest.
As uncomfortable as it got at times, there was always the opportunity to draw closer to God. To move forward and feel around in the dark. To lean into my faith more than ever, remembering that God’s in control.
Then one day the lines from a 90s Coldplay song floated into my mind:
Running in circles
Chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
I sat there and thought. And felt. And it arrived: I’m going back to the start.
Something changed–and changed in a distinct way–the day I stood in the middle of the swirling whirlwind of plans and opinions and decisions and reminders and texts and kids’ school events and life events to say… I’m starting this moment, right now, with God.
Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Seeking God First, Even in This Moment
We learn in Mark 4:39 that when Jesus told the wind and waves to stop they did. And there was a great calm.
Isn’t it true that we find a calm… a clarity… when we turn our attention to the Lord?
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth.”
Psalm 121:1-2
When anxiety sets in, where we turn first matters.
Years ago when I discovered breathing methods to reduce stress instructors would say, “Notice the breath going into and out of your nose. Focus on the breath. Focus on the warmth of the breath.”
Today I like to think of the one who gave me that breath as it goes in and out of my nose; to remember that even that breath is provided by Him. Job 33:4 says, “The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.”
Our daily lives will include times of high stress, distraction, tiredness and overwhelm. Certain issues might feel like they’re taking center stage, and we can start to feel weary and weak. But take heart, because Jesus is still in the boat. He can calm the storm within.
Next week I’ll be writing about some practical ways to stay grounded in faith during the times we’re stretched the most. Stay tuned…
Thanks for this post. After reading it, my shoulders just relaxed and I felt God in control of my stress!
That’s great Kay! Starting with Him in any given moment truly does reset the clock on what our true focus is. Have a great day!
I give thanks to the Lord for having you post this at this time of my great struggles.
Bringing to rememberance His faithfulness to me in all that is going on.
God is still in control. He is still the beginning and the end. I’m praying for you. (Big hug)
Thank you Jenn! God has truly used you to share his goodness and mercy. I always feel the holy spirit through your words. I really appreciated the reassurance this morning. God bless you today and always.
God bless you too sister! We’re here encourage one another in faith, and I’m just glad to know God can use even these words. Have a great day 🙂
I thank you so much for sharing your challenge with anxiety, this message was right on time for me as I’ve been on a roller coaster ride with this unwanted guest.
It’s such an unwanted guest, isn’t it? And yet at the same time an opportunity to walk in faith and trust in the Lord, stretching us in growth. I’ll keep you in prayer as you move through the storm. I know how it is. Stay strong; there’s an end point coming.
Beautiful and very encouraging. I also deal with anxiety and depression and this was such a blessing to read. It renewed my weary spirit. It’s so incredible to know that Jesus does calm the storms, even though we feel as though the waves are too far above our head.
Thanks for your kind words Emma! We can all use renewal and refreshing… it’s so true. I love how the Bible tells us that as the boat rocked in the wind and waves the fishermen–the ones who knew all about the boat, the sea, the waves, etc.–grew afraid and cried out for help. The chaotic weather didn’t wake Jesus, but the cry of his disciples did. And as we know, He calmed it. The wind and waves obeyed His voice. This is the Lord we serve! Have a great day 🙂
Wow ! What an inspirational message. I have been on high anxiety the past two weeks, as my kids have had one illness after the other. There have been many time where I feel as though I have reached my limit and was going to break down. 🙁
Thank you for reminding me that God IS in control and he will calm our storms.
I hope all is well! I hope to see you soon!
Hey Somm! It’s always great to see your name pop up.
I totally understand the feeling. It feels like a wearing away… a vulnerable opening. And yet there is a positive in it… an opportunity to persevere in faith! To draw closer to God and realize what it means “when I am weak, you are strong.” We just have to keep clinging to Him mama. The verses from the song “In the Eye of the Storm” are so encouraging! Here are some:
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds, me in the eye of the storm
great word….. thank you !
Thanking God for His cover and blessing over us… for guarding our souls during affliction. Have a great day!
Jenn I am having lots is stress and anxiety. My husband may have to go on dialysis and we are both having anxiety. It is hard for me to let go and let God take over. Any suggestions. Thanks
It can be so challenging Lonell! It’s definitely not easy to just let go because we have life issues to face and handle. We can’t run from them. But we can find comfort knowing that Jesus is in the boat with us while we face them.
How do you best seek Him? How do you draw near to Him? For me it’s through open and honest prayer, but also through reading the Bible. The truth in the Living Word brings my focus back to God… to using this body and time here on earth, in all its messiness, to serve Him. And it requires turning to Him over and over and over… and having patience in the process.
These verses come to mind. I pray they bless you sister, and I’ll be praying for you and your husband.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Wow this is so lovely i usually get these moments all the time but this post is breath taking
It is awe-inspiring to realize how the Lord can still the storm, even momentarily, when we shift our eyes away from the whirlwind and to Him. He truly is breathtaking! Amen!!
Thank You for your post and your dedication to The Lord to help others…I faced many of the storms of life and have clinical depression..I well know what anxiety is about…yet when I remember to praise Him in the storm..He sets me upon a rock for His Name’s sake !…Usually I sing to The Lord and Miraculous things happen !..anxiety and the like turns to joy..His Presence..peace..a new direction and other wonderful things
Amen! Thank you so much for sharing Frank!!
wow wonderful. it has made me feel special and learnt that all goes back to God.. Thanks sister
He is the beginning and the end; the Alpha and the Omega; the first and the last. Taking that all in is both powerful and reassuring. God bless you today!
Hey Jenn just want through a season of this, not realizing it was anxiety I was dealing with. Thank you for this post.
Anxiety is pain! lol I’m no therapist, so I don’t know how everyone experiences it, but for me it was something I noticed even as a kid. It would come in and out of my life through adulthood. Many things can feel like it too, like depression, times of heavy stress, panic. Hopefully for you it was something that passed and stays away! Take care!
Thank you Jenn i need to tune in for the more practical ways because my situation seems to be drowning me sometimes and other times i am afloat
Amen. Is this website still going? Seems post end at 2017.