Gossip tempts me. I don’t know why, but it does. I’ve wondered many times how to stop gossiping or listening to others gossip, but until I turned to God for the answer, it only eluded me.
The Lord has opened my eyes to the fact that when something “slips out” out of my mouth, it’s because in that moment I’m choosing to indulge myself rather than choose Him. I’m choosing to gossip rather than choosing to love like Him.
There have been times when I thought, No, I’m not going to say that. And when the conversation escalated, I said it. And while saying it, thought, I can’t believe I’m saying this right now.
We can’t trust ourselves, really. As Jesus said, the spirit is willing, but the body is weak (Matt 26:41).
Now let’s stop there for a minute, because up until this point you’ve been reading a post I started writing three years ago.
A post I never finished, thankfully, because it gave me time to grow spiritually and see God make a major change in my life.
As I’ve matured in my walk with the Lord, I’ve experienced less desire to gossip or even hear it. Not that there is no temptation, but when gossip gets underway it sets off alarms in my head and heart. It feels distasteful.
That transition didn’t happen overnight, but it started with a desire for change.
Are you struggling with any of these 8 types of gossip?
Want to Stop Gossiping? Here are Some Places to Start…
Jesus said: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened” (Matt 7:7-8).
I don’t have a magic formula that will keep you or me from ever gossiping again (we are human beings who fall short). But the more I love Christ and seek Him, the less desire I have to gossip. The more we grow in Him, the less of an appetite we have for what’s bad for us. If you’re struggling with gossip, instead of focusing on the problem, focus on God. See what can happen in your life!
1. Tell God about the problem you’re having.
“Since I am afflicted and needy, let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God” (Psalm 40:17).
Bringing our truth to the Lord turns us toward Him rather than the problem. The Bible says to cast all our anxiety on him because he cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Psalm 145:18 says, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”
2. Seek His forgiveness.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
Once we bring the truth to God, we are standing at the threshold, vulnerable, open-hearted. We feel sorry. And if we don’t “feel” it but know we are in the wrong, repenting can lead us toward the feeling. Repenting of the gossip opens us to God’s healing hand. If there’s something burdening your heart, here are some ways to “come clean.”
3. Ask the Lord to remove the desire for gossip. Pray for His Spirit.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).
This one was a biggie for me. I was sorry when I gossiped. I felt a heart of repentance, but did I really want to give it up forever? Did I really want God to take it away? Wow… to come to that place. I didn’t realize how much power I was giving it until that moment.
4. Put it into practice. The not-so-fun-and-sometimes-awkward-but-rewarding part…
“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble” (Proverbs 21:23).
There will arise the opportunity to gossip. We have a choice to make. We know God will help us. Go by faith. Trust Him. I’ve noticed that when I don’t participate in gossip I feel good. Free. I don’t look back thinking, I wish I would’ve said that. Instead it’s quite the opposite: I’m so glad I didn’t say that.
Thank the Lord for the changes.
“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him” (Psalm 28:7).
It’s good to give thanks. When Jesus healed the 10 lepers, only one returned to give thanks. Jesus said, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well” (Luke 17:19).
It has been prayed, written and recorded many times in the Bible: “Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3). So when we want to see change, we know where to go. The answer is found in the Lord. We can do all things through him who strengthens us (Philippians 4:13).
I am so glad I read this. It is eating my heart. Been justifying and thinking I am sharing in love. Or letting it off my chest. Or getting guidance or counsel. I have been talked about and ridiculed and feel by explaining away the false accusations I am defending myself and setting record straight yet I end up slandering or bad mouthing. I’m guilty of mocking and making fun of others till I read I thought it’s harmless but God is not pleased. I need help too. Talk to me.. I have taken down many scriptures anti gossip 8 . I will highlight meditate and hope I can change with Gods help.
God bless you Caroline! One of the first steps to getting to the root of a problem is admitting it’s there. We often pray “God change them,” but the best starting point is “God change me.” I went down this road of prayer and continue too… and I’m sure many others reading this. We’re all in this together.
I’ll be praying for you sister, that God shows you what you need for discernment in sharing. Personally I share a lot with others I trust when I know they’ll pray for me or a loved one, but I agree with you that maybe what I think I’m sharing in love could also be oversharing and even gossip at times. Your comment was a blessing to me because this was something on my mind and heart the last few days in particular. I need to pray for discernment too. Let’s pray for each other! lol 🙂
These advice really helps me but it is not easy in practice.
No, it’s not easy and it takes time. Thankfully God is merciful with us!
God bless you Elmon
It’s just so funny how God speaks to the heart of man.I was reading the book of Jude and as I was reading the Lord brought back to my mind something I had said about someone, so I Google search gossip. it just amazing how He works and thank you so much for sharing and the verses brought it home may God continue to bless you richly, I love you sister. God bless
It is truly amazing how He gives us what we need, how we need it and when we need it. God bless you too and love you too my sister in Christ.
Me too. I’ve been super convicted about this.
I meet a lady for coffee every Monday and I think most of how she speaks falls into at least 6 of the 8 types of gossip things. She is a close friend who I have known for many ,many years and I am not sure what to do ,she is an immensely caring lady always helping others, I don’t want to end friendship totally but I know it is not ideal even though she says it all without any malice I need help on this x TONS of Blessings to you! Sarah.
Hi Sarah, thanks for reaching out! Oh I can imagine that would be really tough, especially because she’s your close friend. I’d definitely suggest asking God to give you the words in each situation, see what He puts on your heart when it starts…
Have you ever tried finding the positive in the negative? I’ve noticed that when some people start talking to me about others and I find an upside (over and over), they eventually stop talking to me so much about people. Maybe it takes the ‘fun’ out of the gossip when you’re bringing up another side of the situation they haven’t considered. Or if the gossip starts and you say something like, “That’s too bad. Hey, I’m excited to know how was your run last night?” Changing the subject and hoping maybe she’ll realize you’re not participating in the gossip?
You mentioned she’s a good friend of yours… is there a way you could share something with her friend-to-friend about how you’re seeking less negative talk in your life, that you love her but don’t feel good in your heart talking about others?
But definitely start with prayer 🙂 It says in James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” I pray God leads you in the right direction! If you try it out, I’d love to hear how it goes for you.
Thank you so much I have so much to work on God have mercy on me for being guilty of all if this I pray for a new heart and a new mind in Christ my heart I broken needs healing
I’m praying alongside of you Rhonda. God hears the prayers of our hearts! He makes us new 🙂
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).
I run into this problem at work, gossip and naysayers. I find myself defending the victim of the gossip or trying to spin a positive out of their negative. Sometimes it just leaves me worn out and I question whether or not I should even bother
I hear you Stephanie, it can feel draining after awhile 🙁 But keep this promise in your pocket: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9). God bless you for being a light in the workplace!
God Bless you 🙂 we have to leave all problem in God in hand and he will take care of them
I just found your website and am very grateful. It offers the help I need and have been looking for.
Thank you!
Aw that’s great! I’m so glad this is useful to you Katrina. May God bless you 🙂
Dorothy Nevill said ” The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment”. In-stead of talking about a person in a negative way, we should pray for them and support them until they get everything right with God. When we get our lives in line with Jesus we will have a new way of talking. Negative words will be replaced with words of praise,grace,encouragement, godly advice , and wisdom. From our lips will come prayer, hymns, and gratitude to God. We also need to pray for the person who would share gossip with us. I have this notion that if someone will say something negative about an individual TO me, what he/she say say ABOUT me to someone else? The crippling thing about gossip is that once it is spoken it can,t be retrieved. And the sad thing is that it may not be true as is so much gossip.
Yes! LuBeth this is great insight on gossip (and also on what comes out of us when we’re filled with the Spirit). And LOVE that quote, I never heard it before. Thanks for sharing this, it’s valuable. God bless you!
I thank you for this I was in church Sunday and felt the spirit leading me to make a change in my life. I have been lead by the spirit to challenge myself and everyone to join a no gossiping , murmuring challenge. I want to make this continuous part of my life. We will do the challenge for 21 days to really monitor how many time we get the urge to murmur gossip and complain. To see how it is a large part of our life which is taking us away from the things of God. Each time we think of or get the urge to do either us these things we must pray. The thing is even when pray it does not mean we are to gossip or murmur and complain to God. We must praise God for who he is. I am so excited to see how we all go from satisfying our flesh to growing in the spirit . Thanks so much this it really help me give my friends and family some example of what I am talking about. God Bless You
Wow, that’s a great idea! I’d love to hear how your experience goes… you can be sure God’s hand will be in it and over it. God bless you.
Thank you for such words of wisdom and encouragement. I didn’t think that I was a gossiper until it was brought to my attention. At first, I wanted to defend my position, but in the end I had to realize that they were right. I had to get this problem right with God first. I have read others responses and I too need to make a change and with Christ, I know that I can and will change. I know it won’t happen over night, Proverbs 21:23 ” Whoever keeps his mouth and tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” has become my verse that I will mediate on. Again thank you
You are so welcome! I think it’s one of those things we all work on, but with the Lord’s help, we get there! God bless you
I’m also encouraged by this site. Because I’m one of the gossipers, and I want to change but it was hard for me. But this website I think its opened my eyes. I was having some problems couple months with my mentors. And it is still continuing, some of the things they said about me they are hundred percent correct but even if I ask for forgiveness they seems not be forgiven. Because now is like every word they are speaking is shooting straight to me and others are wrong. I’m no longer feel comfortable I always afraid when it is time to meet them at church. Please sister I really thanx you for this side. And god bless you.
Change is hard, and we all need change or are in the process of changing in various ways. It happens over time and thankfully God has the patience with us because He loves us so much. I don’t know the circumstance with your mentors, but I’m sorry to hear it’s uncomfortable meeting with them. That must be hard, and I’m hoping it will change for the better. I’m praying for you and for them. We are all sinners saved by grace, we all fall short and are forgiven, you are the daughter of a king! God bless you sister.
“No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; and every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their vindication is from Me,” declares the Lord.” Is. 54:17
Sincerely and deeply, I thank you so much for this site. It has really opened my eyes to so many things and for the sincerity of most people here which has inmensly taught/reshape me. I will like to be getting more of these teachings and insights. I will want to subscribe. Thanks and bless you. More and more Grace.
Thank you for your site. I have a question about the next level. I desire to begin a healing ministry and that would include emotional and psychological healing as well. I am well versed in the Bible and consider myself to be a mature Christian. I am not afraid of spreading gossip as I am blessed in this area (I have other weaknesses but this does not appear to be one of them). Unfortunately as I began to listen to others in an effort to give them guidance (in a personal way, not as a profession) I found myself hearing things I did not want to hear and which I believe are actually damaging to the one I want to counsel and myself. I want to tell them about forgiveness and how much the Lord loves them and wants to heal them. I want to a give them Christian world view information, but things seem to spiral down quickly. I am hoping you might refer me to some good resources on how to be a counselor without being pulled down and actually making things worse for me and the person I am trying to counsel. I am asking the Lord for guidance and thus am reaching out to you. “Without consultation, plans (like mine) are frustrated, But with many counselors they (the plans) succeed..” Prov 15:22 Thank you and Bless you in the name of Jesus.
Hm, that’s a great question Mike. I’m not a professional in this area of psychological and emotional healing, so I would have to ask around about this. Hopefully I can get some recommendations for you soon.
Hey I am very grateful for your post. I am student and a live in a house full of other students. I’ll be honest I need help in my life..I try my best not to gossip however find myself doing the same thing over and over…I got to realise that it was bad after reading your post today because I need to change . I have a beautiful heart and I am a very giving person..problem is I get so hurt when people treat me bad,and them treating me bad leads to me opening up to another person about the person treating me bad in which I got to realise that it’s gossip….I will be honest,I am a softy and can not stand up for my self, and I am always forgivein. ..sometimes it get to me that people take advantage me,patronise me a lot…how do I deal with my situation coz I find it hard to face them or be rude to them…I need help and thank you for your page
Praise God for wisdom. I felt in my heart that I was telling the truth not knowing I was gossiping and doing all the above. The Lord has away of letting us know when to get it right and come clean. I want to be free of this an do the right things before God. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. God bless
it’s a wonderful piece , God will continue to increase your wisdom; but you left some questions unanswered : what to do when you find yourself in the midst of gossip and do you turn the conversation around.
Hello, I guess God has put this in my consciousness now and I am trying to figure this one out.
So, if I talk to a friend or a family member about someone else, and criticize that other person, this is gossip, right? Of course it is. I want to know the psychological reason we try to “pit one person against another”. Is it so we will feel better about ourselves. We say something about someone else and try to justify our reason for talking about that other person.
Does this make sense?
I do not want to talk about anyone else and I am asking God for help. I am asking you to pray for me too. And thank you friend, whoever you are.
I am never too old to learn and try again.
This is great . What i like to know is it gossip when you inform a ministry their badly being talked about? Even when you done everything you know to silence them say i dont want to hear this or i refuse to be a part you give scriptures warn what God says etc. When its been going ob over 2 years.?
I have a neighbour who keeps hurting me every now and then knowingly but I’ve never been able to tell her because shes rude and arrogant to everyone but instead I express my feelings about what she has done to me to my friends. whenever I pray to God to help me get over she hurts me again what do i do in order not to get hurt and i want to shut my mouth too.
Thank you. Very helpful. May God’s grace be multiplied in your life.
Thank you this came at the right time!
It is many years past the original post and it is still giving grace to the weak. Thank you. I doubt my coming to this page was by accident, I know God led me here to hear what I needed to hear. My journey to this place actually started a long time ago. I grew increasingly more aggrivated at the lack of what I consider integrity in those around me. God was teaching me that I needed to strengthen my grip on the matter. So here I went zooming in on everyone elses lack. I was blind to my own. I have since found that often times when someone else is rubbing me raw its because that particular irritent is in me and I am not willing to give it up. It is hard to stand alone when everyone around you seems to fair well in playing the blame game and hiding under the camouflage of “I am helping” or my favorite “we need to pray for…” so we follow along with even more justification, they are Christians and have been longer then me, it must be okay. Thank you for your candid comments and your reminder of I Peter 5:9, I am not alone. You have given me hope and encouragement to stand firm, trusting in the Lord.